#1 ~ 12" x 12" ~ acrylic on canvas
I try and seek Solitude daily so that I can continue to expand my self-awareness, compassion and forgiveness.
The Solitude series was painted in July 2018, on the days preceding my 50th birthday and several days after.
July is a significant month for me this year as I start my 50th year of life, completing my 7th 7 year cycle. I am reading The Stranger in the Woods by Michael Finkel which is a story of a hermit in Maine, and almost a chapter is dedicated to hermits* and living in solitude. I started thinking about the many tasks and errands I do daily and decided I wanted to pare it back for a month, only doing things outside my environment that are absolutely necessary, spending extra time painting, keeping a journal, healing and meditating.
By selecting a single-color palette, I reduce the amount of decisions I need to make during a painting and by using 3 existing paintings from my 20 Collection series last summer, I have a starting point if I choose not to intuit a painting. By having an intention or theme I can relate my mark making to a philosophy broadening the meaning of each painting.
To be clear I am not trying to escape society nor do I crave isolation, I simply wanted to acquire some wisdom.
When you become lighter in mind, body and spirit things look different. The emergence of true self lets ego go and expands awareness. Lao Tzu -Tao te Ching
I turned fifty years old July 4, 2018. The day, like so many other holidays and big events that happened in 2018, was one of the best in my life. The reason the sun shone brighter, the tomatoes tasted sweeter and the air was magical throughout the year leading to my 50th birthday was due to a serious shift in my perspective. The adjective serious, may not be emphatic enough; monumental, epic, seismic shift in my perspective. Each lesson I’m given or I manifest & co-create in my life awakens me a little more, connecting me to my eternal self while elevating me to a higher energy vibration. Lows do occur and they are much lower and darker than they were yesterday because I allow myself to feel now. By leaving the fear of feeling and self judgement or judgement behind, I can feel my sorrow accept it and recover rapidly. In contrast to the past when I was too tough or strong to feel, I’d distract myself so I didn’t have to feel and my family, friends or the clerk at the store would be party to an unkind un-grounded un-loving me.
This is the year I learned I am enough; self-care and self-love are two different things and that I will be my own hero. I took more risks, tried new things, listened to a lot of live music, traveled, read, painted, nurtured, taught, meditated, practiced yoga, weight trained, wished, wrote, researched, grew, started using plant medicine and healed myself. More than ever, I received love and support from my friends, enemies and family. As I slowed down [ I was addicted to efforting and chaos] and became more grounded I began to be less reactive. I have a long long way to go and I am up for the Journey. One that may have some wondrous detours, amazement, joy, laughter, health and love. And if there is a pot hole in the road I may fall in or I may walk around it, either way I will do it with grace and ease because the universe has my back.